she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Are we in a gay sports bar?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
