how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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