I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
