No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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