You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize