ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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