not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize