i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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