no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
