I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
