I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
