its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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