If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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