This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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