I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
