i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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