no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
