last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize