Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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