Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
