Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
