The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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