take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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