she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize