My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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