hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
