when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
