Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
