Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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