come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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