Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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