I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
