You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
