No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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