just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
