its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
