i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize