I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm at about main and main street
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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