i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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