I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
