Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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