why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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