So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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