Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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