I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
