my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
