so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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