That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize