Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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