I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
