im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
