maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
True strength comes from lack of pants
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