Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
