she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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