she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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