Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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