I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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