i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
