Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
