Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got chris browned last night
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
