I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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