oh god the rape fog is back!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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