Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
