please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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