did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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