his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
