ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
