wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
