You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
