i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
