do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
