Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
