My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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