he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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