Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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