Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
